QUALIFIED COUNSELLOR
ANNA MACQUEEN
Specialising in grief,
loss and dementia

Welcome to griefcounselling.org




Grief and Loss.

Grief is a reaction to any form of loss, and as with most of life’s experiences, the process of adapting to a significant loss can vary greatly for all people. We are all human beings processing our personal experiences in accordance with many varying influences, such as our morals and values, our culture, our sex, our age, our support network, family, our mental and physical health status, and the list goes on. Typically, when people think of the word ‘grief’, they conjure up images of deep and raw sorrow, but the reality is that grief encompasses so many more emotions – anger, guilt, and depression to name a few. Emotions are multi-layered, so a person experiencing loss or grief is sometimes likely to be experiencing many of these emotions at once, but in a unique way to others.

If we accept that everyone grieves in their own way and in their own time, it is apparent then that there can be no time constraints put on how long a person can grieve a loss. For some time can heal, or ease, whilst for others time has little or no impact upon their grief. Different grieving experiences results in differing grieving behaviours. Some people are more emotional and likely to be more demonstrative of their needs and sorrow, whilst others are more private or require distractive tasks to take their attention away from the loss they are experiencing. People’s outward behaviours should not be misinterpreted by others, even those who are close to them, when they are not seen to be grieving the way society sees as ‘normal’ or ‘usual’.

Sometimes people grieve for years without seeming to find even temporary relief. Grief can be complicated by other conditions, most notably physical pain or depression. The person’s level of dependency on the departed or the prior situation can also cause complications. A good way of imagining the impact of loss is to consider that dealing with loss effectively involves a person having to become accustomed to a new reality. This could be loss of a loved one, or it could be loss of a whole way of life, such as it is for people who lose the use of their legs, for example.


Grieving can be further complicated by instances where a person’s reaction to loss is restricted in some way. For example, society may devalue the impact of the loss of a pet on someone as compared to the loss of a person; loss may be ambiguous in the eyes of some, as in the loss of an adopted family member or the loss of a family member’s identity through late-stage dementia; or the loss may be seen as taboo or stigmatised by guilt or shame, as in a miscarriage, death of same-sex partners or even loss of ex-spouses; and finally those disenfranchised of their grief when others do not consider a person capable of grief, such as a person with an intellectual disability.